[Positive Monday] Gone But Not Forgotten


It’s Positive Monday you guys and I’m feeling extremely blessed today!! I had another great weekend and I’ve finally become happy with the changes I’ve made in life. I even changed my hair color for the first time!! But through all of the good that’s been coming my way, I can’t help but feel a little sad by everything that’s been going on around me… Specifically with the situation with this young guy from my neighborhood who got killed last weekend over something REALLY senseless. I didn’t know him well, but I know all of his family and majority of his friends. He was a good friend to my little sis Meyonka and seeing everyone deal with that brought back memories I try my best to keep under wraps. Then ironically I was watch VH1 Soul on Friday morning and this morning and two different videos of Mario’s came on during those two separate encounters. Mario made his debut in the music industry almost exactly when my cousin Delvin died and everyone thought they looked so much alike. This really had me thinking and I guess it’s about time for me to go back down memory lane.

I was only thirteen years old when I lost the person closest to me. Delvin Lamont Hairston was THAT guy to me. I looked up to him like no other, even though he got on my damn nerves lol. I would be outside with my friends and he would ride down the road with his and make me go in the house if there were any boys outside lol. He was 6 years older than me, really popular in school, the fastest guy in the city, swagged out, rebellious, fun, loving, family-oriented, and a great role model for me. My middle school years seemed to be the time that my dad and I became really distant, and Delvin was the person who always looked out for me.

Delvin’s dad is my grandma’s brother and they lived next door to each other back then. I would go stay with my grandma on weekends and would always go to Delvin’s and bother him. Normally he would be going out with his friends and would joke around with me until it was time for him to head out, but I remember specifically one night he wanted to stay in because he wanted to spend time with his “stink” *smiles*… We sat in his mom’s room and watched Castaway and he turned the most dramatic movie into the funniest movie ever. We made scenarios of what we would do if we were stranded on an island alone lol, something so simple meant so much to me. He could have been anywhere that night, spending time with his gf or riding out with his boys but he saved time for ME. I remember coming to his house before a game one day with my cheerleading uniform on, and he told me that I was the cutest little cheerleader that he ever saw. The little things he did for me made my life. We have the same initials and he told me that it was because we were meant to be brother and sister. I just loved him so much!!

He used to get his mom’s car in the summertime and tell her that he was going to wash it, but he would end up riding out her gas instead… and one day he let me ride with him. This was when the Best of Both Worlds album had just dropped so we were on that hard. I also remember that “I’m Real” with Ja Rule and JLo had just dropped and that was our JAM! Lol I just have so many fun memories of him, he was the absolute best to me. About two weeks before he died, we ended up getting into an argument though. I had on these super short shorts and he went ham on me. Told me I needed to respect myself and put some damn clothes on. Of course I got pissed and sadly we ended up not speaking ever again personally before he died. However, I remember getting of the bus a few days before he died and him riding by and yelling out the window at me and my friends that he would run us over lol.

The night that I got the phone call telling me that he got shot, it was Wednesday night May 15, 2002. For some odd reason my phone was off the hook and my mom had been trying to call me for awhile. My best friend Ashley and her dad walked across the street to tell me that Delvin had been shot. After that I realized the phone wasn’t working and as soon as I put it on the hook, my mom called to tell me the same news, except that he didn’t make it. I remember immediately collapsing in the floor in my kitchen and I just couldn’t breathe. I had to go to school the next day because I was getting inducted into the BETA club and I remember sitting on stage crying that day. My friends and teachers at school were SO compassionate for me, we didn’t do any work that day and they even ordered pizza for our class just for me. It meant so much and I STILL keep in touch with that teacher who ordered that pizza.

My mom’s side of the family is huge, so everyone came home from a little bit of everywhere and everyone was completely devastated. Every family has that shining star that EVERYONE loves and Delvin was ours. My uncle lives literally walking distance from the funeral home that held his body so we were all in and out of there constantly everyday up until the funeral. I specifically would just go to the funeral home and sit. I sat there for hours everyday just in shock. Someone from my family would come check on my regularly, but I pretty much didn’t want to be bothered. I remember every little detail about the day of his funeral. I remember that I wore a brown skirt and suit jacket with brown heels to the funeral. I remember riding in the car for the processional and walking into the funeral. They had it at the local middle school and when I tell you it was packed… the balcony was full and people were standing. Everyone loved Delvin and it showed! And I’m sure some people didn’t love him, but they still respected him enough to show love. His mom even put my cheerleading picture in his casket because she knew how much we loved each other.

Delvin was supposed to graduate high school the next month so he could go to VSU and run track. He broke records left and right and was a BEAST in football. Because of him the number 3 has a legacy of its’ own at Martinsville High School and it always will. Dealing with his death was the hardest thing ever for me. I felt alone, I felt misunderstood… I tried to explain it to my friends but none of them had ever lost someone so unexpectedly that was really close to them. I was really young and just didn’t understand how something like that could happen to MY FAMILY. I started to talk to Delvin back then and tell him personally how I felt, I thought I was crazy on the low but hey it worked for me. About two years after he died, I had a dream that I was braiding his hair… I can’t even braid, but when I woke up it felt like my hands were sore like I actually did his hair. It freaked me the hell out so I called my mom and told her. She told me to embrace it and enjoy the fact that Delvin visited me in my dreams… and after that I would wait for him to come to my dreams again. Sometimes he still does.

It’s been almost 12 years since he was killed. Some of the guys who were in the car during the time of the shooting are out now, I don’t think they all are but I definitely see them out from time to time. They’re having kids now and while I don’t wish bad on anyone, it makes me sad to know that Delvin will never have kids. Trey will never get to meet one of the biggest motivators in my life, but I’ll make sure he knows him. Now that I’m older, I often ask myself if Delvin would be proud of me right now. I think he would be. I try to keep him in mind when making decisions especially when it comes to relationships. He was the one who taught me that a man should respect me and to always carry myself like a lady. Losing him could never take away the memories that I have of him, and those are what kept me going for so long.

I wanted to share this because I for one know what it’s like to lose someone at a young age who is really close to you… Who didn’t deserve to lose their life, and who lost their life in a really senseless act of violence. I know what it’s like to be angry at the other person, angry at the world, and wondering WHY it had to be HIM. But all of that will only lead you down a road of depression and we have to try to see the good in everything. God does everything with reason, and if we spent our time trying to figure out his motives we will always come up short. If you find yourself in a situation like this, remind yourself of all the good times you shared with them and live your life in a way that will make their legacy great. Time heals everything, even broken hearts!!! Trust me I know!



13 thoughts on “[Positive Monday] Gone But Not Forgotten

  1. DeShanta I loved this entry. It was so personal and I definitely feel your pain and remember your hardships. Delvin would be proud of you and I’m sure he’s looking down on you with a gleaming smile. I didn’t know Delvin personally but everyone I know loved/respected him. I never heard a anyone speak a bad word about him. I remember the morning it happened. My dad woke up that morning, which was unusual because my mom always woke me up, and he told me Delvin had been shot and immediately burst into tears. He spoke about how Delvin was a great kid and it shouldn’t have happened. “Time heals everything.”


    1. Thank you Jen!! Your dad really loved him! I think everyone did… it feels good to be able to put all this out there now after what everyone is going through. I’m just glad I have the voice to talk about dealing with it!


  2. Deshanta this is well said and it’s always good to have great memories about someone u love. Always remember The good times yall shared.


  3. Delvin would be so proud of the woman that you have become! Great blog. Please continue spreading your positive words…..the world needs more of this!


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