As I lay in bed basking in the fact that I’m getting ready to open my own bookstore in two weeks, I’m extremely fatigued but far too anxious to actually nap it off. I’ve been meaning to take a nap for the last hour but also read a chapter in my book, take a shower, and order some things online for the store all at one time. That’s as close as I can get to explaining the way my mind works. It constantly is in overdrive, pondering more than it should on every little detail of things that need to be done.
As I’ve said before, the year of 27 has been the most enlightening thus far for me. With that said, I’ve always been into astrology since childhood because my mom used to buy books on the zodiacs and let me read them. It always freaked me out how in tune with the Aquarius I was and how the characteristics of the sign described me to a fault. Earlier this week, I was introduced to thesecretlanguage.com where you enter your birth day, month and year to learn more about the traits of your specific birthdate. The formal name for my birthdate according to this site is Extended Precognition. Aside from having the most keen sixth sense of them all, my traits include conceptual, self sacrificing, devoted, lively, inventive, passive, emotionally confused, vulnerable, and insecure.
Reading this site has helped me gain insight on myself and helped me realize some ways I could change for the better. I battle with anxiety everyday so I tend to operate by routine day in and day out. I feel like living this way helps me avoid spiraling in life, gives me more control of day to day tasks, and thus helps keep anxiety low. However, this site helped me understand that I actually add to my anxiety by living under such a rigid routine mentally; because if the routine fails, my mind shuts down.
By learning that I do in fact have a strong sixth sense, I am way more inclined to follow my intuition now than ever before. I’m good at second guessing myself and talking myself out of things, often telling myself that sixth sense isn’t real. I’ve also realized despite how well I handle my problems, they are almost always self inflicted to begin with. I also am affected to the core by people’s opinions, but only because I’m oddly open minded towards everyone else and expect the same in return.
My witty sarcasm and dry humor are not only autonomous – truly those are the main things I ever hear complaints about – but they are my only defense mechanisms in this hostile world. I am exhaustingly insecure, often making note to others about how unhappy I am with myself not just physically but simultaneously undermining my own accomplishments as no big deal. Insecurity helps me maintain a negative dissonance about myself, but I become beyond defensive towards any negativity thrown at me. And sadly I can easily dish out the harshness, but I cannot take it when dished at me. I am needy when it comes to love. My need for attention runs high, but at the same time my ability to give it lacks.
There is a beauty in learning more about yourself, realizing your flaws, and working to better yourself. I am always on an active journey to figure out who I am not only mentally but spiritually as well. My secret language says I am deeply conceptual but I often feel like I live on the surface. I will constantly be digging further to peel away the layers of what makes me tick so I can be who God intended me to be. Check out your secret language on thesecretlanguage.com to find out more about yourself!