Tag Archives: life

Why Saying “All Lives Matter” Misses The Point


Being black in America, a crime in itself, has become excruciatingly painful in recent years for myself and many others. We live in a world where people have become desensitized to the effects of scrolling their timeline on social media to see a black man unequivocally, undeservingly lose his life to the hands of those who are meant to serve and protect. It doesn’t just stop there; black women are not exempt from the obvious perception from certain individuals that black lives don’t matter. When people feel the need to justify the threat they feel from the black lives matter movement, all lives matter is the first resort. 

Of course all lives matter. Who doesn’t want justice for all as stated in our pledge? However, to say that justice for all is what actually takes place would be a lie. I don’t expect everyone to understand what we mean when we say black lives matter. Not everyone has to explain to their children that they have to avoid being perceived a certain way in order to not become a stereotype. Not everyone will understand that even when you explain to your children to be a certain way/avoid certain situations (those careless things teenagers and young adults do with their friends can often lead young black people caught up in the justice system for life), you still worry about them being at the wrong place at the wrong time or caught up in a stereotypical situation with the law. Black men suffer mass incarceration with longer sentences for pettier crimes while other races often plead insanity or receive lesser sentences for more serious crimes. 

To know that we are viewed as a threat because we act or carry ourselves in a way that is often misunderstood truly scares me. Not only does it scare me but it makes me mad. I feel like an underdog in the worl but until we can come together, support each other, and build a lasting economy together it is impossible to make a change. So yes all lives do matter, but right now I’m only seeing black families mourn the loss of their loved ones at the hand of police officers these days. All lives matter, but unfortunately those same black families are usually seen mourning again months later as the police officer goes home to his family to watch that exact family on the news. Sometimes even he goes to back to his job. 

I don’t get mad when people don’t understand what black lives matter means; they simply don’t understand what it means to be black in America. In a perfect world for many, simply stating they are not racist and never discriminating against black people coupled with the extinction of slavery, would be enough; but in this world it’s not. Just because slavery is no longer a factor, it does not mean black people are treated any more justly today. It’s ok if not everyone believes in the magic, but we won’t let it be denied. #blacklivesmatter 

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27: The Year of Enlightenment 

27 is a number, specifically an age, that has always scared me for some odd reason. It could be the series of unlucky events tied to the number – such as all the celebrities who die questionably at that age – but so far it has been one heck of a ride for me; and I’m only five months in. I saw this quote on Facebook yesterday and felt an immediate sense of relief wash over me. Apparently I am not the only woman who feels like everything is simultaneously falling apart and coming together at this current point in my life. My tolerance for people is at an all time low, but at the same time things that used to bother me don’t affect me as much anymore. Once you recognize which friends are really beneficial to your life and you to theirs, you begin to focus on building those relationships more efficiently instead of wasting time trying to make certain people the way you wish they could or have potential to be. If I haven’t learned anything else, I’m beyond hip to the understanding that you can’t change people. Recently I’ve found myself praying for others more than anything.

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Miami Taught Me!

This time a month ago (I like to perfect my thoughts before writing lol) I was preparing for a weekend girls’ trip to Miami for Memorial Day with my girls Portia, Tia, and Ashley in tow. They all had been to Miami a few times before but this was my first run in the city. I was so excited! The entire weekend I was like a wide eyed child at Disney World for the first time. The main strip on Ocean Drive had been blocked off so no cars could come down at all, so there were people congregated everywhere in the streets and outside the local bars. The weather was absolutely perfect, so much that I’ve found myself missing the humidity and longing for warmer summer nights. I ate good, drank better, danced it up, and relaxed beach and poolside; but the most memorable moments come from random interactions with my friends.

I’m the type of person who runs very low on patience especially when it comes  to other people. I could love you to death but if you ask me a stupid question I’m going to give you a sarcastic response. Don’t judge me, I’m working to be better lol. But guess what? This trip brought to my attention that every single person in the world has something they do out of nature that drives someone else insane. The girls and I have been friends since elementary school so we know each other inside out. I promise you each one of them has a different way of driving me completely insane and I’m 100% positive my snarky attitude and reckless mouth drive them equally insane. 

When it comes to the company we keep we often blur the line that separates friends and associates, causing us to accept behaviors and attitudes from people we shouldn’t. Friends are the people who accept you flaws and all, don’t try to change you, and constantly promote growth in you. You don’t hesitate to do the same for them because the feelings are genuine and require no explanation or second thought. We spend too much time accepting things from people who should have never been able to get that close to us in the first place. Evaluate the friendships you have in place to ensure a common respect is given on both ends. I would rather have one solid friend than six who make me feel some type of way every other week. All “friends” aren’t good friends and sometimes you are what you attract! 

 

My 2015 Wrap-Up

I think 2015 went by faster than any other year I’ve been in this world. It literally was here today and gone tomorrow! I personally feel 2015 was the year I gained full control of my life. I started making my own decisions without consulting a second opinion from friends and family. After putting my faith in God, I took a leap of faith in my career with which I could not be happier. And although I was not in church and Bible study every Sunday or Wednesday, I completed my first 365-day devotional book and restored my relationship with God in ways that were much needed. I wanted to make it a point to take at least three trips this year – one with family, a baecation, and one with friends – which I managed to accomplish within the year. Certain friendships blossomed within the year, while some fell off completely… and I’m perfectly okay with that. Most importantly, I have the freedom to spend so much more time with my loved ones since I work from home. It brings me so much joy to drop Trey off at school daily and be standing outside the doors when he comes out. 2015 has been a year of abundant blessings for me!

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The Plain Janes

I can be such a plain Jane sometimes. I know when I post on social media there’s usually nothing plain about my attire. There’s absolutely nothing plain about my personality; I’m sarcastically funny, quirky yet entertaining, and very much opinionated. But often times I feel like I’m just a plain Jane… like I’m not enough. I don’t wear makeup too often and when I do it’s usually just eyeliner, mascara, and a lippie. I don’t get my hair done often at all – once every three months if that – and really all I do is wash and air dry it on a daily. I don’t dress up much anymore unless I’m having date night or it’s the rare occasion that I’m going to the club. I often feel like people just pretend to like me because I have that stereotypical “light skin with long hair” look, when in reality I feel like just another girl ALL the time. In a world where millions of picture are uploaded to social media each day and half the women just seemingly look “flawless” in every single post, it’s easy to see why many girls could potentially feel the way I do.

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Work Hard, Play Hard

I’ve really slacked off from the 30 day blogging challenge (to no surprise lol) but now I’m back like I never left! I left off at day 6 so I’ll just continue to day 7 even though there have been 30+ days in between the two lol. Today’s blogging challenge entails discussing my dream job and why it’s my dream job. Well that’s easy enough.

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[Day 3] Parental Advisory

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Today’s post for the 30 day blogging challenge is supposed to be about my relationship with my parents which used to be a really sensitive subject for me, but is now something I can boast about. Most people know that I was raised by my grandparents and up until my twenties, I somewhat resented my parents for that. My four best friends all lived in homes with both of their parents and here I was with neither of mine. The dynamics of my home life really got to me throughout my middle and high school years. It seemed like the older I got, the more I craved an explanation for why things were the way there were; as a result, I rebelled. However if you look at how we interact today, you’d never be able to tell we had any issues at all.

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[30 Days of Blogging] 20 Randoms about ME

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In order to get myself used to blogging everyday like I used to, I decided to look up some 30 day blogging challenges to kind of force myself to write out of my comfort zone. I tried to do this to the end about a year ago, but I don’t think I made it to past ten lol. After looking at several different challenges, I figured this one would make me think about my responses the most… so here goes!

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The Things I Learned in a Year

Oh what a year it has been for me!  I swear every year on New Year’s Eve, it feels like I’ve let the whole year pass me by and I’ve accomplished nothing. But this year I couldn’t allow my mind to sell myself short like that. I’ve done a lot. I guess it’s just hard for me to commend myself because I’m still not quite where I want to be. However, a major lesson that I’ve learned this year is that nothing works according to my plan, but according to how God sees fit. My destiny was already written, I’m just living to fulfill it!

I moved into a new house over the summer, graduated in May, and started a new job back in September just for starters. I even joined a new church this year. I feel like this church has helped and continues to help me find my way in life and get closer to God. The whole year has been really productive and a major blessing for me overall, but of course every year has its pits too. I cut some people off completely with no warning, caught up with my middle school best friend and picked up like we never left off, and made a new lifelong friend that I’ve been able to travel with. I went from working part time with no health insurance to a full time salary with a health, dental AND vision plan. I got the opportunity to intern for 102 Jamz, learned the basics of radio behind the scenes, and met some amazing people that I’m sure will be contacts for many years to come.

There’s so much that I didn’t do though. I didn’t get perfect grades my last semester in college, and although I’ve walked the stage I still have three courses left to take before I’m actually done because the ones I needed weren’t offered when I needed them. Before I found my current church, I didn’t go to church for probably the first six months of 2014. I didn’t get to go to my internship as many days as I should have because it snowed so much last winter that there were many days I couldn’t even get out of the driveway. I missed plenty of days of work during the winter because I work in Danville and the weather was bananas. I spent so much money on gas to get to and from work on my 30+ minute drive. I sound ridiculous saying typing this after the first paragraph, but these were all things that I stressed about during the times that they happened.

It’s crazy how our minds work and can allow us to complain about frivolous things that won’t even matter at the end of the year. Life really is a constant evolution. If we get worked up about every little thing that doesn’t go as planned, we’d drive ourselves to have a heart attack. I spent so much time this year stressing about things I couldn’t control. Now that I think about it, I have always had everything I need and that in itself is a blessing. When you’re going through and people tell you “it could always be worse”, we really don’t want to hear that shit. But they’re 100% right, it could.

2014 has taught me a lot about people. I am a giver by nature and I expect that in return from the people I give to. I learned real quick that this is not the case in life at all. People will take from you as much as you’re willing to give and then in return be selfish and give you nothing back. I’ve learned to only do for others when I can genuinely accept that I’ll get nothing in return for that action and it still feels good to do. Ever since I decided I wanted to dabble in makeup and fashion, I get SO many requests from people to make them new looks or do their makeup etc which is very time consuming. People don’t want to pay for good quality products or services anymore, but will spend their last dimes on the most ridiculous things! Your money is your money, but don’t expect my time for free when you wouldn’t give me yours if I paid you.

Lastly I’ve realized the value of knowing who you are. I’ve truly spent the last few years finding myself, figuring out who I am and what I want to represent. Even though I don’t have my own business, I consider myself a brand. I carry myself with high regards and like to uphold my image to a certain extent because I respect myself and I demand respect from others. So I won’t do anything too crazy where my self-respect will be questioned. However, I realize that the current generation doesn’t give two damns about an image. Their only concern is getting likes and retweets and I’m over everything about social media, today’s music artists, and everything majority of these celebrities represent now. I literally follow my 5 fave celebs on Instagram now; it gets more and more ratchet by the day! All I can do is hope that everyone gains some sense of awareness of who they are and what they represent before their souls are swallowed whole trying to keep up with this crazy society we live in right now.

Well that’s enough for my ranting for a whole year. Life can only continue to elevate from now into the future! Keep God first, your circle centered, and pray before you post to Facebook! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!