I can be such a plain Jane sometimes. I know when I post on social media there’s usually nothing plain about my attire. There’s absolutely nothing plain about my personality; I’m sarcastically funny, quirky yet entertaining, and very much opinionated. But often times I feel like I’m just a plain Jane… like I’m not enough. I don’t wear makeup too often and when I do it’s usually just eyeliner, mascara, and a lippie. I don’t get my hair done often at all – once every three months if that – and really all I do is wash and air dry it on a daily. I don’t dress up much anymore unless I’m having date night or it’s the rare occasion that I’m going to the club. I often feel like people just pretend to like me because I have that stereotypical “light skin with long hair” look, when in reality I feel like just another girl ALL the time. In a world where millions of picture are uploaded to social media each day and half the women just seemingly look “flawless” in every single post, it’s easy to see why many girls could potentially feel the way I do.
Today’s post for the 30 day blogging challenge is supposed to be about my relationship with my parents which used to be a really sensitive subject for me, but is now something I can boast about. Most people know that I was raised by my grandparents and up until my twenties, I somewhat resented my parents for that. My four best friends all lived in homes with both of their parents and here I was with neither of mine. The dynamics of my home life really got to me throughout my middle and high school years. It seemed like the older I got, the more I craved an explanation for why things were the way there were; as a result, I rebelled. However if you look at how we interact today, you’d never be able to tell we had any issues at all.
Oh what a year it has been for me! I swear every year on New Year’s Eve, it feels like I’ve let the whole year pass me by and I’ve accomplished nothing. But this year I couldn’t allow my mind to sell myself short like that. I’ve done a lot. I guess it’s just hard for me to commend myself because I’m still not quite where I want to be. However, a major lesson that I’ve learned this year is that nothing works according to my plan, but according to how God sees fit. My destiny was already written, I’m just living to fulfill it!
I moved into a new house over the summer, graduated in May, and started a new job back in September just for starters. I even joined a new church this year. I feel like this church has helped and continues to help me find my way in life and get closer to God. The whole year has been really productive and a major blessing for me overall, but of course every year has its pits too. I cut some people off completely with no warning, caught up with my middle school best friend and picked up like we never left off, and made a new lifelong friend that I’ve been able to travel with. I went from working part time with no health insurance to a full time salary with a health, dental AND vision plan. I got the opportunity to intern for 102 Jamz, learned the basics of radio behind the scenes, and met some amazing people that I’m sure will be contacts for many years to come.
There’s so much that I didn’t do though. I didn’t get perfect grades my last semester in college, and although I’ve walked the stage I still have three courses left to take before I’m actually done because the ones I needed weren’t offered when I needed them. Before I found my current church, I didn’t go to church for probably the first six months of 2014. I didn’t get to go to my internship as many days as I should have because it snowed so much last winter that there were many days I couldn’t even get out of the driveway. I missed plenty of days of work during the winter because I work in Danville and the weather was bananas. I spent so much money on gas to get to and from work on my 30+ minute drive. I sound ridiculous saying typing this after the first paragraph, but these were all things that I stressed about during the times that they happened.
It’s crazy how our minds work and can allow us to complain about frivolous things that won’t even matter at the end of the year. Life really is a constant evolution. If we get worked up about every little thing that doesn’t go as planned, we’d drive ourselves to have a heart attack. I spent so much time this year stressing about things I couldn’t control. Now that I think about it, I have always had everything I need and that in itself is a blessing. When you’re going through and people tell you “it could always be worse”, we really don’t want to hear that shit. But they’re 100% right, it could.
2014 has taught me a lot about people. I am a giver by nature and I expect that in return from the people I give to. I learned real quick that this is not the case in life at all. People will take from you as much as you’re willing to give and then in return be selfish and give you nothing back. I’ve learned to only do for others when I can genuinely accept that I’ll get nothing in return for that action and it still feels good to do. Ever since I decided I wanted to dabble in makeup and fashion, I get SO many requests from people to make them new looks or do their makeup etc which is very time consuming. People don’t want to pay for good quality products or services anymore, but will spend their last dimes on the most ridiculous things! Your money is your money, but don’t expect my time for free when you wouldn’t give me yours if I paid you.
Lastly I’ve realized the value of knowing who you are. I’ve truly spent the last few years finding myself, figuring out who I am and what I want to represent. Even though I don’t have my own business, I consider myself a brand. I carry myself with high regards and like to uphold my image to a certain extent because I respect myself and I demand respect from others. So I won’t do anything too crazy where my self-respect will be questioned. However, I realize that the current generation doesn’t give two damns about an image. Their only concern is getting likes and retweets and I’m over everything about social media, today’s music artists, and everything majority of these celebrities represent now. I literally follow my 5 fave celebs on Instagram now; it gets more and more ratchet by the day! All I can do is hope that everyone gains some sense of awareness of who they are and what they represent before their souls are swallowed whole trying to keep up with this crazy society we live in right now.
Well that’s enough for my ranting for a whole year. Life can only continue to elevate from now into the future! Keep God first, your circle centered, and pray before you post to Facebook! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
If I had the ability to see myself in the light that I see many other women, I would possess a dangerous level of confidence. No one would be able to stand me because you would not be able to tell me that I wasn’t the best thing walking. But that’s not the case. I am an externally beautiful individual who’s self-deprecating, insecure, and humble to a fault on the inside. I cannot praise myself for any accolades, despite being told that I have much to be proud of, let alone even acknowledge the fact that I’ve accomplished anything in life. Sure if I get a new job, I’ll post my achievement. When I walked across the stage to receive my Bachelor’s Degree, everyone knew from my social media accounts. But deep inside I just don’t appreciate myself.
Continue reading I’m Just the 1st to Admit It…
One of the hardest things in life for me to do is cut people off. I will drive myself crazy inside by remaining silent about how I really feel towards a person just to maintain peace. I don’t like to hurt my friends or people I love so I try my best to refrain from doing so, but sometimes I end up hurting myself in the end. I’ve been faced with a few situations from various people who I thought were friends, but when I think about how they treat me then the title becomes extremely questionable.
I’m the type of person who is very hands on in all of my relationships. I talk to you just about every day and if not then several times throughout the week. I buy “just because” things for you or your kids if I see something that makes me think of you, I pop up at your house when I have extra free time (which isn’t often but hey it happens sometimes), and I try to make time to see you on a regular basis. I’m just starting to notice that there are a lot of things I’m willing to do as a friend that most people aren’t. That’s totally fine but you just can’t expect me to go above and beyond like I normally would if it’s not being reciprocated to even the smallest degree.
What in the entire hell?? Where did the time go? It’s been a whole 12 years to the date since I lost the most important person I’ve ever lost in life. To think that I was a mere 13 year old girl at the time really weighs heavily on my heart. Not just because I experienced so much pain at such an early age, but because pretty soon I’ll have doubled in age since that tragic day. That completely scares me like no other.
I’ve always wondered how individual couples go about finding their level of PDA that they’re comfortable sharing with the world. Iggy Azalea and Nick Young are all over the headlines this week with their new GQ spread, after the couple began dating when he listed her as his #WCW on IG. Ever since, they’ve been very open about their relationship. Personally, I’m not a public person at all when it comes to relationships and that has definitely been acquired with age. When I was younger like in high school, I wanted my boyfriends to show me off so everyone would know what was up. I was ready to change my FB status, I wanted him to put it all over his page… the whole nine yards. My Facebook name might have even had my boyfriend’s last name included. Just the most!
Nowadays I could care less about PDA. When I’m out in public, I can be very touchy-feely with hand holding, cheek kisses and whatnot but it’s moreso from me just finding it sexy rather than wanting the attention. You can best believe if I’m doing all of that then I’m not paying attention to my surroundings at all, so it’s never for attention. I just posted the first pic in 3 years with my bf and even after doing so I was left feeling vulnerable and exposed. I don’t know if it’s because I enjoy the mystery or I just don’t like to give folks the validation that they’re looking for, but either way I don’t see how people constantly post about their significant others on social networks. I mean I’m friends with and follow some people who ONLY talk about their significant others.. Every. Single. Day. If you’re saying the same thing about them you said two days ago, why not just leave the old status up? Lol
So that leads me to question, when is social networking PDA too much? Or is it ever? There’s a thin line between people seemingly trying to prove a point in their relationship and people who genuinely want to shoutout their boo. I think SOME PDA is good for instance we see TI and Tiny, Bey and Jay, Monica and Shannon, etc posted up on IG all the time but it’s never overwhelming. On the flip side, Toya low key began to annoy me when she was posting about how great of a man Memphitz is back when the beef with K Michelle came out. It didn’t seem genuine at all to me after awhile. It’s the people who feel the need to post every single day that make me ask, are you convincing us or you? What are your thoughts on this??
Yesterday I posted a tweet that said, “Chicks love to say somebody’s man want them. So if all these chicks’ men want you then where is YOUR man that wants you?”… I’m still waiting on the answers lol. I got a lot of retweets and mentions about this subject an a couple of folks told me I should blog about it. Now I know I’m going to ruffle a lot of feathers with this one, but it needs to be done. What exactly are you bragging about by saying that someone else’s man wants you?? In reality, when you have numerous relationship issues or fail to keep a man yourself, you should be asking yourself why none of these men want to actually keep you.
“Ten years from now bet I still be on top, I thought I told ya’ll that we don’t stop”
Today marks day 2 of my 30 day blogging challenge and the topic is about where I see myself ten years from now. Boy this one is easy! If I don’t think about anything else throughout the day, you can best believe my future is one thing that’s always on my mind. Ten years from now I will be getting ready to turn 35, Trey will be 16, and let me just tell ya’ll… If I’m not well; established by then or remotely close to being where I want to be in life ya’ll might as well kill me now lol. Living out my dreams is not even an option to me!
As of today I’m starting this 30 day blogging challenge that I found online, where you post on a different topic everyday. Today’s topic just so happens to be the one thing I rarely ever talk about… My relationship status. A month ago, I would’ve said I don’t know what it is to be honest lol. Two months ago I would’ve said I was single. Today I’m smitten and by all means taken. This is what a walk in my love life looks like lol. I’ve been dating the same guy off and on for three years now, but I go back and forth more than anyone I know. I tend to run in the opposite direction when the going gets tough, but over time I’ve learned the art of picking and choosing what’s worth fighting for.
Continue reading [Day 1] My Current Relationship