Tag Archives: relationships

27: The Year of Enlightenment 

27 is a number, specifically an age, that has always scared me for some odd reason. It could be the series of unlucky events tied to the number – such as all the celebrities who die questionably at that age – but so far it has been one heck of a ride for me; and I’m only five months in. I saw this quote on Facebook yesterday and felt an immediate sense of relief wash over me. Apparently I am not the only woman who feels like everything is simultaneously falling apart and coming together at this current point in my life. My tolerance for people is at an all time low, but at the same time things that used to bother me don’t affect me as much anymore. Once you recognize which friends are really beneficial to your life and you to theirs, you begin to focus on building those relationships more efficiently instead of wasting time trying to make certain people the way you wish they could or have potential to be. If I haven’t learned anything else, I’m beyond hip to the understanding that you can’t change people. Recently I’ve found myself praying for others more than anything.

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My 2015 Wrap-Up

I think 2015 went by faster than any other year I’ve been in this world. It literally was here today and gone tomorrow! I personally feel 2015 was the year I gained full control of my life. I started making my own decisions without consulting a second opinion from friends and family. After putting my faith in God, I took a leap of faith in my career with which I could not be happier. And although I was not in church and Bible study every Sunday or Wednesday, I completed my first 365-day devotional book and restored my relationship with God in ways that were much needed. I wanted to make it a point to take at least three trips this year – one with family, a baecation, and one with friends – which I managed to accomplish within the year. Certain friendships blossomed within the year, while some fell off completely… and I’m perfectly okay with that. Most importantly, I have the freedom to spend so much more time with my loved ones since I work from home. It brings me so much joy to drop Trey off at school daily and be standing outside the doors when he comes out. 2015 has been a year of abundant blessings for me!

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The Things I Learned in a Year

Oh what a year it has been for me!  I swear every year on New Year’s Eve, it feels like I’ve let the whole year pass me by and I’ve accomplished nothing. But this year I couldn’t allow my mind to sell myself short like that. I’ve done a lot. I guess it’s just hard for me to commend myself because I’m still not quite where I want to be. However, a major lesson that I’ve learned this year is that nothing works according to my plan, but according to how God sees fit. My destiny was already written, I’m just living to fulfill it!

I moved into a new house over the summer, graduated in May, and started a new job back in September just for starters. I even joined a new church this year. I feel like this church has helped and continues to help me find my way in life and get closer to God. The whole year has been really productive and a major blessing for me overall, but of course every year has its pits too. I cut some people off completely with no warning, caught up with my middle school best friend and picked up like we never left off, and made a new lifelong friend that I’ve been able to travel with. I went from working part time with no health insurance to a full time salary with a health, dental AND vision plan. I got the opportunity to intern for 102 Jamz, learned the basics of radio behind the scenes, and met some amazing people that I’m sure will be contacts for many years to come.

There’s so much that I didn’t do though. I didn’t get perfect grades my last semester in college, and although I’ve walked the stage I still have three courses left to take before I’m actually done because the ones I needed weren’t offered when I needed them. Before I found my current church, I didn’t go to church for probably the first six months of 2014. I didn’t get to go to my internship as many days as I should have because it snowed so much last winter that there were many days I couldn’t even get out of the driveway. I missed plenty of days of work during the winter because I work in Danville and the weather was bananas. I spent so much money on gas to get to and from work on my 30+ minute drive. I sound ridiculous saying typing this after the first paragraph, but these were all things that I stressed about during the times that they happened.

It’s crazy how our minds work and can allow us to complain about frivolous things that won’t even matter at the end of the year. Life really is a constant evolution. If we get worked up about every little thing that doesn’t go as planned, we’d drive ourselves to have a heart attack. I spent so much time this year stressing about things I couldn’t control. Now that I think about it, I have always had everything I need and that in itself is a blessing. When you’re going through and people tell you “it could always be worse”, we really don’t want to hear that shit. But they’re 100% right, it could.

2014 has taught me a lot about people. I am a giver by nature and I expect that in return from the people I give to. I learned real quick that this is not the case in life at all. People will take from you as much as you’re willing to give and then in return be selfish and give you nothing back. I’ve learned to only do for others when I can genuinely accept that I’ll get nothing in return for that action and it still feels good to do. Ever since I decided I wanted to dabble in makeup and fashion, I get SO many requests from people to make them new looks or do their makeup etc which is very time consuming. People don’t want to pay for good quality products or services anymore, but will spend their last dimes on the most ridiculous things! Your money is your money, but don’t expect my time for free when you wouldn’t give me yours if I paid you.

Lastly I’ve realized the value of knowing who you are. I’ve truly spent the last few years finding myself, figuring out who I am and what I want to represent. Even though I don’t have my own business, I consider myself a brand. I carry myself with high regards and like to uphold my image to a certain extent because I respect myself and I demand respect from others. So I won’t do anything too crazy where my self-respect will be questioned. However, I realize that the current generation doesn’t give two damns about an image. Their only concern is getting likes and retweets and I’m over everything about social media, today’s music artists, and everything majority of these celebrities represent now. I literally follow my 5 fave celebs on Instagram now; it gets more and more ratchet by the day! All I can do is hope that everyone gains some sense of awareness of who they are and what they represent before their souls are swallowed whole trying to keep up with this crazy society we live in right now.

Well that’s enough for my ranting for a whole year. Life can only continue to elevate from now into the future! Keep God first, your circle centered, and pray before you post to Facebook! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

The Generation Gap

Last night I discovered that I am no longer hip to the younger generation when I realized that Migos is three people who form a rap group and not just one person. Whoops lol, no wonder they sound like Gucci Mane to me sometimes and at other times they don’t. I really had no idea! Not only am I not hip to Migos being a group, but the current state of hip hop music just makes me cringe!! I was so excited when Brandy came out with MC Lyte, Yoyo, and Queen Latifah that I shot up in my seat so I could dance along to their performance. That’s my kind of music!!

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Kickin’ It With Keishy

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They say good friends are hard to find, but finding a friend in Keisha was like a bird falling into my lap out of the sky… literally. I love me some Lakeisha! There’s not a day that goes by where we don’t talk and normally it’s an all day thing lol. Anyone who reads our texts would have a hard time keeping up because our topics change so drastically at the blink of an eye. There’s just never a dull moment with her.

I’m always picking Keisha’s head because I learn so much from her and she’s such a creative spirit. I appreciate the fact that she’s an open book with me, always giving me a different perspective on everything we discuss. So I wanted to take it a step further and actually interview her. Her responses show exactly why I love her so much as a person! Dope people come together and create dope sh*t. Here’s the proof:

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Cut That Bishhh Off

One of the hardest things in life for me to do is cut people off. I will drive myself crazy inside by remaining silent about how I really feel towards a person just to maintain peace. I don’t like to hurt my friends or people I love so I try my best to refrain from doing so, but sometimes I end up hurting myself in the end. I’ve been faced with a few situations from various people who I thought were friends, but when I think about how they treat me then the title becomes extremely questionable.

I’m the type of person who is very hands on in all of my relationships. I talk to you just about every day and if not then several times throughout the week. I buy “just because” things for you or your kids if I see something that makes me think of you, I pop up at your house when I have extra free time (which isn’t often but hey it happens sometimes), and I try to make time to see you on a regular basis. I’m just starting to notice that there are a lot of things I’m willing to do as a friend that most people aren’t. That’s totally fine but you just can’t expect me to go above and beyond like I normally would if it’s not being reciprocated to even the smallest degree.

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The L Word

Living in a world where being loyal to yourself means more than having any sort of loyal ties to another human being is what makes up our current generation. Acts of selfishness and betrayal are easily masked by excuses accompanied by a nonchalant indifference to the feelings of others in this human race. Followed by the desire to be respected while leaving nothing to respect. Where the relationship title or friendship label is loosely thrown around with no valuable ties to hold them in place. It’s become ordinary to betray the trust of those that we so patiently acquired; far fetched to maintain a relationship for more than a set amount of time before the reality of it becomes questionable from an outside perspective. No one wants to put in work because work is accompanied by problems and situations that arise, totally screwing up the perception of perfection that we so often love to portray. Loyalty and compromise have become overshadowed by the mentality of “not owing anyone anything”. Dependency on others is damn near extinct. We begin to forget the few who still hold us on a high moral ground and instead only see those lacking. Somewhere along the lines the game shifts and we’re all too focused on ourselves to help anyone else. But what happens when we’ve shut down on everyone BUT ourselves and have no one to turn to when ourselves shut down on us? Loyalty is a lifestyle, it’s deeper than the word. It’s even bigger than being loyal to those who are loyal to you. If we all got on one accord and became loyal to our human race, the respect level for others’ and their lifestyles could grow indubitably. Too often the thin line between right and wrong is blurred to pacify ourselves. The sad reality is that even through the real, there’s someone who’ll read this and mystify my message with their own flawed reality… proving exactly everything that I said 😉

Do You Show Social Networking PDA?

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I’ve always wondered how individual couples go about finding their level of PDA that they’re comfortable sharing with the world. Iggy Azalea and Nick Young are all over the headlines this week with their new GQ spread, after the couple began dating when he listed her as his #WCW on IG. Ever since, they’ve been very open about their relationship. Personally, I’m not a public person at all when it comes to relationships and that has definitely been acquired with age. When I was younger like in high school, I wanted my boyfriends to show me off so everyone would know what was up. I was ready to change my FB status, I wanted him to put it all over his page… the whole nine yards. My Facebook name might have even had my boyfriend’s last name included. Just the most!

Nowadays I could care less about PDA. When I’m out in public, I can be very touchy-feely with hand holding, cheek kisses and whatnot but it’s moreso from me just finding it sexy rather than wanting the attention. You can best believe if I’m doing all of that then I’m not paying attention to my surroundings at all, so it’s never for attention. I just posted the first pic in 3 years with my bf and even after doing so I was left feeling vulnerable and exposed. I don’t know if it’s because I enjoy the mystery or I just don’t like to give folks the validation that they’re looking for, but either way I don’t see how people constantly post about their significant others on social networks. I mean I’m friends with and follow some people who ONLY talk about their significant others.. Every. Single. Day. If you’re saying the same thing about them you said two days ago, why not just leave the old status up? Lol

So that leads me to question, when is social networking PDA too much? Or is it ever? There’s a thin line between people seemingly trying to prove a point in their relationship and people who genuinely want to shoutout their boo. I think SOME PDA is good for instance we see TI and Tiny, Bey and Jay, Monica and Shannon, etc posted up on IG all the time but it’s never overwhelming. On the flip side, Toya low key began to annoy me when she was posting about how great of a man Memphitz is back when the beef with K Michelle came out.  It didn’t seem genuine at all to me after awhile. It’s the people who feel the need to post every single day that make me ask, are you convincing us or you? What are your thoughts on this??

-Shants

[Shants Rants] Bragging Rights

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Yesterday I posted a tweet that said, “Chicks love to say somebody’s man want them. So if all these chicks’ men want you then where is YOUR man that wants you?”… I’m still waiting on the answers lol. I got a lot of retweets and mentions about this subject an a couple of folks told me I should blog about it. Now I know I’m going to ruffle a lot of feathers with this one, but it needs to be done. What exactly are you bragging about by saying that someone else’s man wants you?? In reality, when you have numerous relationship issues or fail to keep a man yourself, you should be asking yourself why none of these men want to actually keep you.

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[Day 1] My Current Relationship

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As of today I’m starting this 30 day blogging challenge that I found online, where you post on a different topic everyday. Today’s topic just so happens to be the one thing I rarely ever talk about… My relationship status. A month ago, I would’ve said I don’t know what it is to be honest lol. Two months ago I would’ve said I was single. Today I’m smitten and by all means taken. This is what a walk in my love life looks like lol. I’ve been dating the same guy off and on for three years now, but I go back and forth more than anyone I know. I tend to run in the opposite direction when the going gets tough, but over time I’ve learned the art of picking and choosing what’s worth fighting for.
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